Cure for Insomnia Page 3

  “Please excuse me,” the judge said at the same time.

  Caught face-to-face with the exact person I was hoping to see, words failed me.

  “Were you looking for something?”

  How could I answer that when all I wanted to say was “someone?” “Yes. My boss asked me to find out how to become involved.”

  The beautiful woman in front of me swept her eyes up and down my body. “You would like to be involved?”

  Her delivery was decidedly flirtatious, which put seeking information for Judy even further from my thoughts. My stomach surged like a tumble of leaves pulling together in a dust whirl. I struggled to find a witty response. “It seems like a good opportunity.”

  “As I’m sure you guessed, I am a judge. I would be happy to talk to you. I can offer some personal insights.”

  “That would be wonderful!”

  She pulled a small notebook from her pocket and tore out a sheet on which she jotted her phone number. “My name is Remi.”

  My mouth dry, I accepted the paper, folded it and slipped it in my pocket, so I could extend my hand. “Karla. So glad I bumped into you again.”

  “Nearly.” Remi squeezed my hand warmly. “I had hoped we would.”

  “Bump into each other?”

  “That I would see you again. I have some ideas of how to further your niece’s research.”

  A zing of desire zipped through my core. “Do you?”

  “Indeed. Sadly, right now I have more projects to judge.”

  “I’ll call you.”

  “I look forward to it.” Remi grasped my bicep as she passed. She glanced over her shoulder before she turned down an aisle of projects.

  Dazed, I returned to the entrance to gather information for Judy. I nodded in the correct places though most of the deluge of information washed over me. Remi. Her name was Remi, and she had ideas about my insomnia. My body recalled Remi’s hand on my arm. I could think of little else beyond wanting to feel that hand elsewhere.

  * * *

  With a knot in my stomach from disappointing my family yet again, I reluctantly returned to the lab instead of joining my loved ones for dinner. They had complained as they always did when I’d told them Judy had called me back to the lab, but I knew they would have accepted my bailing if I’d said I had a date. I certainly wished I could have called Remi to see if she had dinner plans.

  Judy’s light was on when I reached the second floor, so I swiped into the office space before heading to the lab.

  “Were you able to introduce yourself to the judges for the Innovation Award?”

  “I was. They were very excited about the projects they had seen and thought it was an excellent idea to have additional participation from The Miracle Center. I have several contacts I’ll follow through with next week.” Remi’s number burned in my pocket. I wanted to follow through on that much sooner.

  “Wonderful. Definitely something to pursue. I collected samples from two new volunteers. You’ll be able to process them tonight, yes?”

  “Yes, I’ll get to them after I finish the report.”

  “Excellent.” She dismissed me with a crisp nod and returned to her work.

  I ducked out of Judy’s office to grab my laptop. While it booted up, I pulled the paper from my pocket. I smoothed it on the table and wiped my palms on my jeans. I took a deep breath, surprised by how nervous I felt. Dial the number, I told myself. An unknown number, it’s likely to go to voice mail anyway. All you have to do is say it was lovely to meet you and…what? I keyed in my password trying to think of what to say after that. I had no idea whether it was too soon to ask to get together on the weekend, but with a steady stream of patient samples coming in from the clinic, it wasn’t likely that I was going to have any early evenings for a long time.

  I berated myself to just leave a message and get on with my work. Nice to meet you and I hope to talk to you soon. That sounded fine. I punched in the number and held my breath, my mind racing forward to the story I would have for my family and friends about how Rosa’s research had led to my finding a girlfriend.

  Before the first ring ended, an automated message cut in. The number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service. If you feel you have reached this recording in error, please check the number and try your call again.

  I frowned and held the screen next to the paper to check for an error. The numbers matched. My heart sank. She’d punked me? That didn’t make any sense at all. Remi had definitely been flirting. She had said she hoped she would see me again. She had ideas about how to solve my insomnia. She wouldn’t blow me off, would she?

  Disappointed, I sat down and stared at the screen. An idea came to me. I opened my email and typed in the address the person at the welcome table had given me and jotted a message letting him know how much I would appreciate the opportunity to volunteer. It didn’t hurt to show some follow-through there. I added that Remi had offered to give me insights about volunteering and asked if they might be able to put me in touch with her since the number she had given me mysteriously failed.

  This was good, I told myself. Better to not spend the weekend wondering about her calling back. I turned my full attention to the report and Judy’s samples, confident that Monday would bring an answer to the question of Remi’s number. If luck was on my side, by next Friday, maybe I’d have alternate plans.

  Chapter Four

  Luck clearly not on my side, I headed home late, choosing my route to avoid passing my parents’ house. I plopped down on my couch and Petri jumped up beside me. Her gentle kneading made me pine for someone to rub the sore spots on my shoulders. My eyes slid shut imagining deft fingers massaging my scalp.

  My stomach screamed at me to get up and slap together a sandwich since I’d missed the family dinner. Instead, I sat there mentally arguing with my family about what everyone in the lab understood: Judy Vogelsang prioritized research over all else. I wondered whether there was an excuse Judy would have accepted. An emergency out of my control? Something like a ruptured appendix? Maybe. But if I’d said family member? Forget it. It would have to be my life on the line for her to see the need. She’d probably drive me over to the hospital, hover over the operating team, and return me to the lab as soon as the anesthetic wore off. No, factoring in that Judy was an MD as well as a PhD, she’d more likely sterilize a counter, give me something local for the pain and take out the offending organ herself, so I could return to work immediately.

  Then she’d use my appendix for some scientific discovery, and I’d be known not as the brilliant protégée but as the one lucky enough to be saved by the great Dr. Vogelsang. That’s what I wanted, wasn’t it? To be known as a brilliant scientist? For so long, I had made my career my first priority. Now my thoughts kept returning to Rosa’s conclusion, that I needed a girlfriend. That, of course, reminded me of Remi. I still couldn’t believe she’d given me a bogus number.

  I pushed myself to eat. I toasted some frozen waffles and smeared a good amount of peanut butter in-between. I felt the shadow of Ann beside me and realized how little I’d thought of her since we’d broken up. I’d been so thankful that I didn’t have to explain my hours any more, but on a night like tonight, I missed how she would have chastised me for not eating earlier. And whether or not we had sex, she would have been next to me in bed, guaranteeing a sound sleep.

  Rosa had outlined three test remedies to treat my insomnia. One involved ingesting something—melatonin. The next was topical—the lavender foot massage. Neither had worked at all for me. The last was breathing and meditation and while it hadn’t seemed to improve my sleep, I had developed a routine that soothed me.

  Snack finished, I changed into pajamas and found my notebook. Rosa’s protocol included listing all the things I was thinking about and giving myself permission to dismiss them all until the next morning. After that I had to stretch. Pen and paper in hand, I settled at the kitchen table and listed out the ideas for my current experiments. The sm
all notepad filled quickly. I hadn’t realized how many ideas constantly swarmed through my thoughts until I had started keeping track. Ann had often complained that even when I was at home, my thoughts were still at work. The notepad forced me to admit she’d been right. I held the pen perpendicular to the table and dropped it. The spring engaged, pulling the tip in and returning the pen back to my hand. I clicked it again, dropped it and caught it on the return.

  My family had liked Ann and agreed with her complaint that I worked too much. She would have given me a hard time for returning to work tonight. I owed Ann an apology for disregarding her opinion for so many months. I spun the pen around, turned the page and wrote down the apology Ann deserved. I probably wouldn’t send it, but it felt good to get it on paper. I placed the pen down and my palm on top of it giving myself permission to leave the thoughts and disengage my brain with my nightly mantra.

  When Rosa had assigned the week of meditation, she had sent me home with a handful of ideas, which I’d quickly dismissed. Playing relaxing music made no sense to me. Memorizing a poem sounded like torture, not relaxation, especially when she’d suggested her four-line bedtime prayer. I’d thanked her for the idea, knowing that I’d never be able to use it. The if I die before I wake part was too creepy for me.

  In place of that, my father had given me a mantra that he said he’d been using for years that clicked with me instantly. He repeated four simple phrases: Be well. Be content. Be calm. Be at peace.

  His suggestion had surprised me. He’d never mentioned it before. But I did have memories of waking up in the night and finding him sitting in the glow of the TV.

  As I’d been doing for weeks, I put my feet up on my bedroom wall and stretched my arms out from my body, hearing all four phrases in my head. I felt my heart pushing blood through my veins. I was well. And yet there were so many sick people counting on science to make them well. That was what pulled me back to the lab tonight.

  Not thinking about it! I reminded myself.

  Be content. I held the pose and thought about how excited I was to have a sponsor for the drug we had developed in our lab. Many were not as lucky.

  Be calm. I breathed in. I breathed out. I would not think about the disappointment of the call that didn’t connect.

  Be at peace. This was my message to focus on work. It was probably for the best that Remi’s number had not gone through. I didn’t need another factor in my life to compete for my time.

  Keeping my movements as quiet as possible, I used the bathroom and tiptoed to bed as if I were trying not to wake Ann. And now Ann was back in my brain. Great. I resisted the habit of looking at the clock.

  Be well. Be content. Be at peace. Be calm, I repeated.

  I climbed into bed, lay still and listened to my breath waiting for sleep to claim me.

  * * *

  Of course sleep didn’t claim me. On a typical night, it took me hours to drift to a restless sleep. On good nights, I’d get a four-hour chunk and then spend from three-thirty to five wondering if it would be more productive to get up and read papers than stay in bed and try to sleep. This was one of the nights I glanced at the clock every single hour.

  My thoughts kept exploring how well I had slept when I was with Ann. Scientist to the core, I wondered whether I’d slept more soundly on nights we’d had sex, but I had no data from back then. Based on my sleepover with Rosa, I did sleep much better with someone next to me. In the wee hours, I fantasized about how nice it would have been to start new data collection with Remi. After hours of that torture, I came up with two options: call Ann or text my sister and ask to borrow Rosa again. I texted my sister the next day.

  That evening, we walked to my house after dinner. I carried leftovers, and Rosa carried a knapsack packed for a sleepover.

  “You’re not missing your mom and dad, are you?” I asked Rosa when she came back from changing into her pajamas and brushing her teeth.

  “Are you kidding me? I was calling them to tell them they can pack my stuff. I’m going to come live with you.”

  “You already got my old bedroom. Now you want me to give you the spare room here?” I didn’t say more, but I could see the wheels spinning in her mind as she fantasized about moving in. I thought about my own sister and the distance our eight-year difference created. Antonia’s girls were also eight years apart. “Nice to have some space from your sister?”

  Rosa looked relieved. “It’s not that I don’t love her, but she’s so annoying! Now that she pulls herself up on the furniture, she’s always in my stuff.”

  “Your mom protects your stuff, doesn’t she?”

  “She tries. With Olivia, I can put things out of reach. But now Abuela is watching Beto after school. He doesn’t like to do his homework, and he’s always into my stuff, too.”

  “Maybe your mom needs to put something on your door handle, so Beto can’t get in your room.”

  “I don’t want to make more work for her.”

  “Then I’ll do it.”

  “You will?”

  “Sure. You can call me when you need help with anything. You know that, right?”

  “But you’re busy with your research. I can usually figure it out.”

  “I’m not too busy for you. And I kinda owe you for the sleep study. Not everyone has an award-winning scientist working to solve their problem!”

  She blushed at the mention of the prize she’d won. “None of it helped you, though.”

  “It’s okay. Sleep is a tricky thing.”

  “Not as tricky as your job. You have to do things like test your drug’s efficiency.”

  “Efficacy. How do you know about that?”

  “I like to listen when you and Abuela talk.”

  “You were listening when we were doing the dishes? I thought you were watching TV.”

  “I learn more when I listen to you, especially when you talk to Abuela. What’s—”

  “Efficacy? It means that our drug works the best it can.”

  “And now you’re the boss, so you don’t do as many experiments?”

  “I’m not the boss, but as the lead research scientist I analyze data and write about it.”

  “Do you miss the experiments?”

  “A little. Now that people are starting to take our drug, I’ll be testing to make sure the drug is helping them. Then I’ll be at the bench more.”

  “You have to know how to do a lot of different things.”

  “That’s what makes it fun.” I watched Rosa’s eyes flutter as she struggled to stay awake. In the year I’d dated Ann, we’d never talked about what I actually did at my job as much as Rosa and I just had, and she’d certainly never tried to keep herself up longer to ask more questions. “Ready for lights out?”

  “Yes. I can do my prayer in the dark.”

  I snapped off the lamp on her bedside table and pulled the blankets around my shoulder. Nine o’clock on a Saturday night, and I was in bed. My bestie Valerie would be disappointed that I wasn’t out in public where I might actually meet someone to spend the night with. I nudged the thought away and lay still, not wanting to interrupt Rosa’s prayer.

  “I prayed that you sleep better tonight,” Rosa whispered a minute later.

  “Thanks. I appreciate that.”

  “I didn’t pray for you before because I didn’t want to mess up the data, but after I finished my project, I added you in.”

  “You’re a natural researcher.”

  She flashed a smile which faded quickly as her breaths deepened. “Goodnight, Tía.”

  Like a pace car, Rosa’s breaths guided mine, and my eyelids grew blessedly heavy. Though I knew I should bid Rosa goodnight, all I could manage was a hum of acknowledgment before sleep claimed me.

  * * *

  The next morning, I awoke from the deepest sleep I could remember since Rosa stayed over to work on her poster. I started to sit up but remembered Rosa who was still fast asleep beside me. The light outside already conveyed how late I’d slept, but I
turned carefully to peek at the clock anyway. Seven. I’d slept ten solid hours without even getting up to pee. That’s what had woken me, so I carefully slipped out of bed.

  Being in bed so long had made my body ache, so after I finished in the bathroom, I grabbed my phone and lay down on the floor to stretch.

  Slept ten solid hours. I’m keeping your kid forever.

  Antonia replied immediately. Is she already up? That one usually sleeps in.

  She’s still crashed out. I’m stretching quietly.

  She’ll sleep through anything. You could do your whole aerobics routine and she’ll stay dead to the world.

  Still dopey from sleep.

  Go back to bed.

  Too late. When do you want Rosa back?

  Monday morning.

  Are you serious? Because I will absolutely keep her for another night of sleep like that.

  Ask her. Let me know later.

  Sure!

  I threw on a sweatshirt and went to grab the newspaper. I had already finished my toast and juice while I read when Rosa emerged from the bedroom.

  “You should’ve poked me when you got up,” she grumped and settled onto the barstool next to me. “Abuela will be mad at us for missing mass.”

  “She will have forgotten about it by the time you get back home tomorrow.” Rosa blinked in confusion, so I added. “Your mom said I could keep you today and collect more data for this breakthrough with your sleep study.”

  “Breakthrough?” Rosa’s face lit up.

  “I slept allllllll night, so your first sleepover wasn’t a fluke. We’ve got more evidence to back up your hypothesis.”

  Rosa threw her arms around me. “I was right!”

  “What do you say to spending the day here?”

  “Don’t you have to go to the lab?”

  “With no new samples coming in over the weekend, I don’t have anything to check. I can analyze data and write reports anywhere. I could even write at the beach.” The ability to work without having to be in the lab all day was fantastic, especially since it made spending the day with my niece possible.